Everything is Julia
by simplecrafter
Summary: The anniversary of Julia's death is coming up and Eli cant get through it alone. He wont let Clare leave him and takes drastic measures to forget about Julia
1. Chapter 1

**This is going to be a two shot. Keep in mind its Friday in this chapter. Sorry if there are typos, but try to ignore them. **

"Eli you have to talk to me."

"No, Get away." He yelled.

"What's wrong baby boy?"

"I want Clare. I only want Clare. She's the only one who understands me." He yelled back.

….

…..

….

Clare made her way to Eli's house. She had gotten a call from Cece telling her to come over because Eli wasn't feeling well and didn't want anyone around but her. She arrived and knocked on the door,

"Hey."

"Hey baby girl."

"Is he okay?" She asked quicker than she intended sounding a bit anxious.

"He's been in his room all day and wont let me in. He said he wanted you." She smiled to herself as Cece let her inside the house. Clare began to make her way upstairs,

"Clare, please fix my son."

"I'll try."

She knocked on the door and heard Eli yelled,

"Mom, STOP BOTHERING ME."

She knocked again, "Eli, It's me." He didn't respond but she took that as an okay to come in. She walked in; he was laid on his bed facing the wall. She walked over to the bed and turned him over to look at her. He kept his eyes down refusing to make eye contact.

"Why'd you come?" He hesitantly asked.

"Your mom called me and said you weren't feeling good and you wanted me."

He looked up at her and she noticed how upset he really was. His eyes were a mess and she could tell he had been crying a lot. He pulled her down and kissed her passionately.

He pulled back, "I love you so much."

"I love you too. What's wrong though?"

"I'm fine." He lied.

"Eli, your mom said you've been in bed all day crying and upset. And you only wanted to talk to me; I'm here so please tell me."

"I just…the day she died is coming up."

Clare sighed, "Babe, I'm really, really sorry." She apologized as if Julia's death was her own fault.

"It's okay just stay with me."

"Why didn't you talk to your mom?" She questioned.

"Every time I talk to her, she's telling me I need to get over her. She doesn't want me upset but that doesn't make things any better." He explained.

"Eli, you know she's right. She just wants you to feel better. And know it hurts thinking about it, but you know it's not your fault. She wouldn't want to keep being upset over her." She advised.

"But I don't want to feel better. I deserve it." His eyes filled with unshed tears. He blinked and the tears continued to roll down his cheeks. Clare brought her hands to his face and wiped them away and kissed his face where the tears previously were.

"No you don't. Eli, it's not your fault. You weren't driving the car."

"But if we never got in the argument that would have never happened."

"If that driver wasn't drunk, it would have never happened." She responded quickly. "I love you Eli and I don't like you being sad. You have to stop blaming yourself for something you did not do. And I'll stay with you as long as you need. But promise me, you'll stop blaming yourself." She begged.

"Okay but I won't stop being upset."

"Promise me you'll try?" She asked. He nodded in response. Clare laid down next to Eli. He put his arm around her waist and he pulled her as close as possible. H began to almost fall asleep.

"Eli…"

"Mmmm" he muttered.

"I have to call mu mom and tell her I'm staying."

"Okay." He responded. Clare began to make her way out of the bed. He pulled her back,

"Where are you going?"

"To call her." She answered bluntly.

"Don't leave me." He begged.

"Eli, its gonna take 2 seconds. I'll be standing right there." She pointed towards the door. He nodded and watched her walk away. She unlocked her phone and called her mom. He didn't take his eyes off of her at all. She soon came back, "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"Just tryna make sure you don't go anywhere." She gave him a slight smile and lay back in the bed.

There was a knock on the door and they turned to look. It was Cece.

"Clare, can I talk to you for a minute?

"Yea, sure."

She got up and again he pulled her back, "Please stop leaving me."

"I'm not going far." She explained.

"Cant you talk to her and stay here?" he questioned.

She sighed, "Eli doesn't want me to leave him." She called out to Cece.

"Baby boy, its fine. I just need to talk to Clare for a bit. Don't worry." He sighed and let her go. She kissed him and walked to Cece outside his room, she began to close the door.

"Don't close it." Eli called out.

"I won't close it all the way." Clare said and he nodded.

"How's it going with him?" Cece asked.

"The day Julia died is coming up so he's freaking. And he wants me to stay with him until then." She whispered.

"What exactly is he scared of."

"Losing me, I guess."

She nodded, "stay with him as long as you need. Please just make sure he's okay." She nodded and hugged Cece.

Clare walked back in Eli's room and flashed him a smile.

"Can I get pajamas?" she asked.

"Look in the third draw."

She nodded and walked over to the dresser. There was a picture of Julia, she set it faced down and continued to rummage through the clothes. She pulled out a pair of Eli's shorts and a t shirt.

"Can you turn around?

"?" she asked.

"Why?"

"So I can put this on" She gestured to the clothes.

"Do I have to?" He pouted.

"Unless you want to leave again and go put it on in the bathroom, I suggest you turn around."

He turned around and she quickly put on the clothes. She lad back in the bed next to him and he turned to look at her.?

"Why'd you put it down?" he asked.

"What?"

"The picture. Why'd you put it down?"

"I thought you would want it down. Not to look at it and have it remind you of her."

"Eli muttered an "oh."

"When is the day that she-?" Clare asked not wanting to be so upfront about it.

"Sunday."

"So your not gonna go out until after then?" Eli shook his head.

"And you want me to stay in bed with you for 3 days?"She questioned again sounding like that was a bit impossible.

He nodded in response, "I just really need you to get me through this."

"I will." She smiled. "Just go to bed." Clare recommended.

Clare leaned in and kissed him. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight. I love you."

She kissed him again, "I love you too."

**Next chapter will be more Eli freaking out and Clare and Cece talk, and trying to help Eli. It gets a bit intense, I think but review. (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry if this took kind of long and Keep to Myself I will probably update tomorrow or Friday. Btw follow me at munro_eclare and you can probably get me to update sooner if you tell me directly. And shoutout to AlyssaNGentile. She comments on like every chapter and every story and her reviews make my day. Follow her on twitter, now to the story.**

The morning….

Eli had been up all night but Clare didn't know because she fell asleep before him. He was watching her sleep as he lied in the bed next to her. Eli got up to use the bathroom trying not wake up Clare. When he came back she was still sleeping. He didn't want to get back on the bed and wake her up so he kneeled in front of her near the bed. He just stared at her, cherishing her. She turned so she was facing the wall, and not Eli. Cece soon opened the door,

"Breakfast is ready if you guys want."

"I don't want but Clare's sleeping. I'll tell her when she wakes up." He responded. Cece nodded and made her way back downstairs.

He kept kneeling near her watching her when lazily opened her eyes. She flashed him a slight smile, "Well hi." He smirked in response.

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I went to the bathroom and didn't wanna get back in the bed and wake you up." He explained.

"Why do you look so dead?" She questioned.

"I didn't sleep."

"At all?" Eli shook his head.

"Why?"

"I couldn't." He responded vaguely.

"Because of her?" She questioned and he hesitantly nodded. She sighed and Eli quickly changed the subject.

"My mom made breakfast if you want."

"You don't want to eat?"He shook his head in response again.

"Then I won't. I'll just stay here with you."

"Its fine if you wanna eat I'll come down with you." Clare nodded and went go the bathroom to brush her teeth and Eli went downstairs to wait for her.

"Where's Clare?" Cece asked.

"Bathroom, brushing her teeth. She said she's gonna eat." Soon Clare came down and sat at the table with Cece while Eli sat on the couch.

"Eli...you sure you don't wanna eat?" Clare asked.

He shook his head, "I'm not hungry." He lied.

Cece and Clare talked as they ate. Eli continued to watch TV and lay on the couch.

"Are you feeling any better from yesterday?" His mom asked.

He hesitantly nodded, "Only because Clare's here."

Clare smiled. "Thanks" Cece mouthed to Clare. "No problem." She responded.

"Mom, where's Dad?" Eli asked.

"He had to go in work early today."

"I'm gonna go upstairs. Clare, can you come up when you're done?" She nodded.

Cece and Clare continued to talk about Eli and ways to help him make it through tomorrow.

Clare walked upstairs and Eli's door was cracked opened. He was lying on his bed moving all around. He was crying and getting angry. Clare started to panic herself but she didn't want to tell Cece because she knew Eli hated when his mom interfered. She walked in to see him and he didn't notice her and his eyes were close.

"Eli." She shook him.

"ELI" She yelled and he opened his eyes.

"Clare" He grabbed her and pulled her into him. He sat up and sobbed into her shirt.

"Eli, what happened?"

"Don't leave Clare. Don't leave me. Please, don't." He spoke all too quickly.

"I'm not going anywhere." She responded.

"Don't ever walk away. Please." He begged.

"Shh Eli. I'm right here, don't worry.

He began to yell at this point, eyes pouring with tears,

"Tell me you love me please. TELL ME. Tell me you'll never leave me. Tell me I'm the only person you want to be with. Tell me we'll never argue and you won't run off. Clare, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME."

She pulled him back into her chest, "I love you Eli."

"No Clare. Tell me you're in love with me. Just tell me. Clare, PLEASE." He begged.

"You know I'm in love with you Eli. I won't leave you; I only want to be with you. I'm in love with you Eli, please stop panicking."

"I can't." He whined.

"Why were you panicking?"

"I kept thinking about you leaving me."

"Why think about something that's never gonna happen."

He shrugged his shoulders "I don't think I'm gonna be able to deal with it tomorrow."

"I'll be with you as long as you need me. I won't leave you at all. Just please you have to trust me. You wanna go for a walk or something? "

He shook his head and she pulled him into lay against hr chest. He looked up at her, she smiled and he leaned up to kiss her. He glided his tongue on her lips and they continued to kiss passionately.

"Why are you so incredible?" He breathed between kisses.

"Because I'm with you." She responded and smirked against his lips. He moved to her and began to kiss her there. She moaned as he did so.

"Do you wanna do something else? Get your mind off of it?" Clare suggested. Eli shook his head, "Just this." He whispered.

"Eli, I'm gonna go for a walk. I can't stay in the house all day." She interrupted.

"No, you just said you wouldn't leave me." He argued you.

"Then come with me."

He shook his head, "I can't. I won't leave. Just take some of my clothes and go." He ordered. Clare sighed and walked to the bathroom with some of his clothes. She put on some of his sweatpants and a t shirt and went to put the pajamas back in the room when she saw him with a blade to his wrist and blood spilling from it.

"Eli, what the hell are you doing?" She yelled.

He continued to cry again, "I can't do this. If I'm gone, I won't have to go through this."

She hesitated, "Are you trying to kill yourself?" He didn't respond and simply avoided eye contact. She looked at the marks on his arm and took it from him.

"Clare, give it back."

"I'm not gonna let you do that." She yelled.

"Please Clare. It's the only way I'll stop freaking."

"Eli, if you keep doing it, you're really gonna hurt yourself." She explained.

"I know that, I want to." He yelled.

"And leave me?" She yelled back. He said nothing to her.; she reached for a small towel and brought it to his arm to clean up the blood.

"Go out. You said you were gonna go out, GO."

"And leave you to do that again, I'm not leaving." She explained. "Eli, you're so messed up." She added.

"I know."

"Cece." Clare yelled.

"What are you doing? Don't tell her."

"I'm just trying to get a band aid."

She opened the door, "Everything okay?" Cece asked.

"Hold the towel." She whispered to Eli. She got up and made her way to Cece outside the room.

"Clare, why do you keep doing this?"

"What?"

"Stop leaving, I can't take it."

"Eli, I'm right here, I'll leave the door open so you can see."

"What's up?" Cece asked.

"Do you have band aids?" Cece nodded and walked to the bathroom

"Eli, I'm gonna get the band aids and I'll be right back." He nodded and Clare followed Cece.

"Why do you need them?" Cece questioned.

"I have a question. Has Eli-ever cut himself?"

"Why?"

"I just wanted to know." She responded bluntly.

"Yea, he does a lot. Every time this day comes around or he thinks about her."

"What do you do to stop him?"

"Nothing. What can we do?"

"So you just let him hurt himself?"

"He eventually stops."

"That's not point, if he keeps doing it, he can die."

Cece hesitantly asked, "Did he do it again?"

Clare nodded, "But he told me not to tell you please don't say anything."

"Clare, Come back." Eli yelled.

"I'm coming."

Cece gave Clare the band aids and she made her way back to his room. She sat on the bed, removed the towel and there was more blood.

"ELI"

"What?"

"Did you do it again?"

"I'm sorry, it was right there. I couldn't help it, that's why I was telling you to come back."

"Eli, please if you keep doing this you're going to lose a lot of blood and you might die." Her voice began to crack at the thought of it.

"That's good then."

"Please stop saying that. You're going through hell now that Julia's gone. And if you leave me, I'll be going through the same thing you are expect I won't have anyone to actually care. Is that what you want?" He shook his head in response.

"Then promise me you'll stop doing this." She pleaded.

He shook his head, "I can't."

"Eli, please." She begged.

"I really can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to stop."

Clare sighed, "If you don't promise me, I'm going to leave." She didn't want to scare him like that but she knew that was the only way to stop him.

"Please don't use that against me."

"Then tell me you'll stop."

"Only if you promise to stop leaving this room without me."

"Fine." She sighed. "Eli, you know you're a lot to deal with."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I still love you." She leaned in to kiss him. He immediately deepened it. He pulled her on top of him. He began to suck on her lip and grabbed her hips forward. She brought her hands around his neck. They kissed for a while when Eli began to tug on her shirt.

"Eli, no."

"Please." He begged.

Clare hesitantly took it off and began kissing him. Eli turned her over so he was on top and began kissing down her chest and stomach. He started to tug at the pants. She sat up,

"Eli, we can't do this."

"Why not?"

"You already know why."

"I can't take it anymore. Please just sleep with me."

"What's wrong with you?" Her voice began to fill with rage.

"Haven't you learned we can't wait to marriage? People don't live forever, you can die and I can't even say I made love to you."

"I'm not going to die anytime soon, Eli."

"Julia didn't know she was going to die."

Clare began to get angry at this point. Everything about their relationship revolved around her. Everything.

"Why do you always relate everything to her? Everything in our relationship has always been about her." She explained.

"That's not true."

"Yes it is. Everything you say, anything you want to do with me always goes back to her. When you kiss me, do you even think your kissing me or do you imagine Julia?"

"Really Clare?"

"Well it can, since you're always mentioning her."

"You know it's hard, I'm still in love with her." He explained.

Clare hesitated, "Are you in love with me?" Clare got up from the bed and walked away from him. He didn't answer, "Are you?"

"Of course, you know that."

"Then tell me." She ordered.

"Why?"

"Just say it."

He walked over to her and leaned her back against the wall, "I love you." He leaned down to kiss her but she turned away.

"No Eli. Say you're in love with me like I told you." She pleaded, tears building in her eyes.

"I can't."

"See." She blinked and the tears fell down her face. "Everything does revolve around her. We've been together for like two years and you still can't say it."

"But she's not the reason why I can't." He defended.

Clare was now pacing around the room crying. He stopped her from walking and she looked up at him, "Then what's the reason?" She asked. "Unless you're not in love with me at all."

"I am." He yelled.

"Then tell me." She yelled back. They had both began to cry.

"Clare, I am but I can't tell you that. I never told anyone but her."

"So like I said, everything revolves around her."

"Well I can't just forget."

"You can try."

Eli was stunned at Clare's words, "How can you even say that?"

"I'm sorry; I just feel you're not even with me because you love me only to help you deal with her."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Then Eli, just tell me. It's not that complicated."

"But it's not that simple either. Why should a couple of words affect our relationship?"

"I just want to know you're with me for the right reasons."

Eli sat on his bed, Clare still standing, both pouring of tears.

"Hey guys, want some food?" Bullfrog asked. He suddenly realized they were both crying, "Did I miss something?" They didn't respond but kept sobbing.

"Cece" Bullfrog yelled. She came to Eli's room, "Why are you yelling?"

Bullfrog pointed and Cece sighed, "These kids are a mess." She muttered.

"Just go downstairs, I'll talk to them." She said to Bullfrog. He nodded and closed the door after him.

"What's wrong guys?" She asked. They both didn't bother to respond, still crying.

"Clare, can you talk to me?"

Clare shook her head, "Its fine. We just got in an argument, we'll deal with it. It's okay"

"Alright if you need me just call." Clare nodded and Cece left. Clare stopped crying and sat on the bed next to Eli.

"Eli, I—"

She was interrupted by a spontaneous, passionate kiss. "I-I love you. You're always there for me and you never complain about my problems or get frustrated with dealing with me. And I promise being with you had nothing to do with her. I don't even deserve you but you're beautiful, I need you and I—I'm in love with you"

Clare couldn't help but blush, she kissed him again, "Thank you."

**Kind of bad line to end it I'm sorry. And sorry for any typos. But leave reviews, It took a while to type this (: 8 pages, 2,354 words. Pretty sick! Thank you!**


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